Monday, July 28, 2008

7 Ways to Improve TV News:

Capture from TV tuner card by mrebert

The news is often depressing, sad, dreary and just plain unwatchable. Sure we may need a little bit of information about the state of the world, but it seems to me there might be a few places to they could improve the delivery. Here are few ideas of my own:

  1. After every horrible, unhappy story, show pictures of cute, fuzzy baby animals.
  2. No speculators please. Don’t guess or imagine what horrible possible scenarios may occur, or why an unspeakable atrocity was committed. Stick to the facts, or don’t do the story at all.
  3. Put it on at 2 a.m., when hardly anyone is awake or watching TV.
  4. Skip the pictures and descriptions of the brutal mutilation of some hapless victim. Whether in the morning, noon or 6 p.m., this is a definite appetite destroyer.
  5. Have circus clowns as hosts to help take your mind off the negative reporting.
  6. No more so-called experts please. Just ask the people on the street – they’re right just about as often, and are not nearly so smug about it.
  7. Put on 2 positive stories for each negative one shown. (Yes they are out there, you simply have to look.)

Here are a few more freebies:

  • Stop all those flashing headlines and tickers running across the screen. They are enormously distracting. Save that stuff for when something truly devastating occurs.
  • Skip the celebrity updates. Unless one of them has cured cancer we don’t need to know. That’s what talk shows and Inside Edition are for.
  • Don’t report about the same problem more than twice in one week unless you’ve suddenly come up with a solution of your own.
  • Every hour flash a black screen with the message “Time for a news break. Please enjoy this musical collage of playful puppies.”

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