Looking for the Good

You can’t see me by Piez

Some days it’s hard to find something to smile about. Perhaps like me, you’ve been sick for several weeks, hacking, coughing and sneezing, full of aches and pains, and you just don’t feel like yourself.

Maybe the news about the economy, housing market or inflation has you down. Maybe you know friends or family who have lost money or are struggling, and you feel frustrated and angry.

Now is when your attitude is more important than ever. Positive thinking is not an attempt to sugar-coat the negative events in our life, but rather a life boat that lifts us out of troubled water and gives us the time and space needed to access our situation.

Looking for the good takes effort. It takes work and thought to find the positive stories and happy information in your daily news. You must actively participate while you watch TV or read the newspaper. For instance, just yesterday I was pleased to see that 6-year old Cole Puffinburger was returned alive and uninjured after being abducted at gunpoint from his home. That is something to celebrate!

There are other things too. In my local paper there has been news of public library expansions, donations to build new playgrounds, and openings of new businesses and restaurants in the area. The weather report is sunny and cool - great for outdoor trips. Even the return of a favorite TV show can make you smile. There’s always something good if you look for it.

Many experts from Sarah Ban Breathnach to Oprah have praised the far-reaching benefits of a gratitude journal. From helping you count your blessings, to relieving past pleasurable experiences, a gratitude journal is a great tool in the search for the positive and uplifting. If used daily it can focus your attention on the various accomplishments, fun experiences and happiness of everyday life. It can improve your feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment and give you a written record of the good things that surround you.

Looking for the good is worth the effort. If you practice it enough, it becomes a habit, one that will bring you joy and comfort for many years to come. Positive thinking is a skill that allows your mind to break free of the negativity and find peace and serenity in the midst of turmoil.

Like the old saying “this too, shall pass.” Remembering that will help you to savor joys while they last, and give hope when things look bleak. There is always beauty to be found, but we must open our eyes to see it.

8 Ways to Deal with Negative People.

All of us deal with negative people at one time or another. They come in many different varieties; the constant complainer, the whiner, the loud-mouth, the rude jerk and the boaster among others. In some cases we may have to deal with it to the best of our ability. At work it may be our boss, at home it could be our spouse, or even our mother. But there are ways to lessen the impact these people have on our mood.

Because negative people are always around, it is important to have strategies to deal with the behavior that affects you most. We all have different hot-button issues, and knowing what yours are and how to deal with them can help you more confidently and effectively interact with the negative people in your life.

Here are a few strategies:

1. Evaluate their worth. Note whether you are dealing with this person because you choose to or because you are required to. Even if they are a relative, you don’t put up with inappropriate behavior. You may choose to limit your time with them, talk to them on the phone versus in person, or communicate by email and greeting cards. If you decide the relationship is totally one-sided and unhealthy, you may even choose to end it.
2. Change your tactics. Try to change up your own behavior when working with negative people. If anger doesn’t work with a complainer, try indifference or a smile instead. If patient listening doesn’t work, interrupt them with a shift in subject or leave the room. Be flexible and open to new techniques.
3. Reward yourself. If you deal with negative people mostly in your job, perhaps you can reward yourself with something on those really tough days. It could be stopping by the park on the way home, your favorite comedy movie, or a hot bath with no interruptions. Make a list of your favorites activities and keep a “stress kit” ready when the complaints don’t stop.
4. Pretend they are dying. Sometimes when people are frequently negative and complaining, we start to tune them out. Then when they have something useful and positive to contribute, we overlook it, making them feel ignored and adding to their victim-hood. Today pretend they only have a little longer to live. What things do they like? What good ideas do they have? Take a minute to find their worth.
5. Praise them often. Many negative people are crying out for help. They are insecure, lonely, and lack confidence in themselves. Make a point of noticing when they do a good job. Compliment their cooking, praise their report, or commend their meeting notes for their attention to detail. Let them feel appreciated and valued.
6. Excuse yourself for an errand. Some people get so caught up in their criticisms and complaints; they don’t realize how long they’ve been rambling. Take the initiative. Have a ready-made list of office activities like copying, or home chores like the dishes as a ready-made excuse. When the complaining has gone on long enough, simply excuse yourself to do your work. It gives you both a break when you need it most.
7. Enjoy the lesson. Although this is a hard one, it can be very enlightening. When you have a very negative person around you, see if you can see what you are doing to attract their energy. Are you complaining too often? Do you correct other people’s mistakes? Are you overworked and acting tired and cranky? If you can see you own “bad habits,” or problems you are on your way to solving them. Mentally thank the person for the lesson and let them go. (By the way, I have actually done this a time or two and the irritating presence left after I figured it out. It does work.)
8. Ask them to come back with some solutions. Catch the complainer or criticizer off guard by asking for their feedback. Say, “Hmm, you may be right. Can you think about this and bring me back some solutions to this problem?” No matter what happens you’ve made them think, stopped the attack and bought yourself some peace.

There’s no “cure” for negative people, but there are ways to lessen their impact on you. Focus your attention on the positive. Make sure you have at least as many positive influences as negative. If you don’t have friends or family that can help, look to self-help books, counselors, mentors or coaches.

Train yourself to notice the good news in the local paper, or the heroes in the reports of tragedies on the TV news. Stop your own negative thoughts and words whenever you become aware of them. Look at these annoyances as a chance to improve your own behavior so you don’t add to the problem. Do your best not to let a bad attitude bring you down and you’ll have won half the battle.

Here are two more useful links:

How to Deal With Negative People

How to Help Negative People – Steve Pavlina

Healthy fun.

Isn’t it amazing that some of us need a prod to have fun? Why in the world should we need a push or a reminder to do things we enjoy? (Personally I’d rather get a good push on the swing set!) We need to stop believing that working harder equals doing better. We need to stop believing that if we’re enjoying ourselves we’re not really working. Some of these outdated beliefs come from our parents and grandparents. Others are passed on by society.

The world travels at such a fast pace, many of us have trouble keeping up. We feel compelled to have the newest gadgets, the latest products and to do something great, to be noticed. During all that hustle and bustle we get overworked and stressed. We forget that work and home and computers are just stuff. We forget to relax, play, smile and enjoy our journey.

Fun is healthy for us in so many ways. Fun activities often include movement, whether we’re playing a game of basketball with our kids, dancing to some music, or riding the Ferris wheel at the state fair. Fun also relieves stress. Science has proven over and over that laughter lowers blood pressure, boosts the immune system and produces endorphins that elevate our mood. How much more incentive do we need?

Fun helps us mentally too. Experiments have proven that after viewing a funny movie we are more flexible and open to new ideas. We’re more likely to view circumstances in a positive light. Yet still we are held back by fear of being seen as foolish. As someone who has suffered that myself, let me reassure you. You will feel silly, stupid and like you’re wasting your time. People will tell you so. Don’t listen to them!

After consistently scheduling fun into my life and reading and learning about the many scientific benefits of laughter, positive thinking and an optimistic outlook, I can tell you I regret far more how long it took me to loosen up, than whether a few friends and relatives think I’m weird. Those people are usually much too serious themselves, and wouldn’t know a good time if it bit them on the butt.

Fun helps me every day to be grateful for what I have (and sometimes what I don’t). It enables me to enjoy a movie on a rainy day or my favorite CD in a traffic jam. It lets me celebrate every family get together, even if they only come every couple of years. Fun helps me savor my good times and reminds me that those bad days aren’t as numerous as I thought.

Fun is a great motivator too. Every time you have a chore you don’t want to do, or a job you don’t like, you can remember that 1 hour of cleaning now will give you 5 hours of free fun time this week. And that job you dislike pays for your action movies, concert tickets and new shoes. When you are aware of the numerous benefits of fun, I think you’ll begin to look for it and put more into your life.

Swingset soaring
Originally uploaded by khosey1